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Attracting the Right Relationship

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Attracting the Right Relationship

By Chérie Carter-Scott, Ph.D.

Have you ever met a couple that’s been together for twenty years, and never married? Did you wonder, “If they’re so happy why aren’t they married?” Do you have a friend that seems to be perpetually searching for Prince Charming yet all the men she attracts turn out to be frogs? Do you question why some people end up “happily ever after,” while others pursue the never ending search for their soul mate? Have you ever visualized what the ideal relationship might look like for you?

Some people are lucky. Betty and Jim met in High School, were childhood sweethearts and have been together ever since. Jim turns 80 this year. Others are not so lucky, trapped in a relationship riddled with neglect or abuse they long to be set free. Still others are in the revolving door of relationships without any matches. What makes some people lucky and others so unlucky?

Having a successful relationship starts with your relationship with yourself. You attract to you people who treat you the way you treat yourself. That could be good news or bad, but it is the reality. If you want to have a positive, loving, and respectful relationship with a mate, start with yourself. Ask yourself, “Do I respect myself?” “Do I trust myself?” “Do I take good care of myself?” The answers may be positive and if they are, then ask yourself, “When everything goes wrong, how to you talk to yourself?” If the answer is not positive, then this is where your work starts. Since your relationship with yourself is the central template from which all relationships are formed, you might stop looking outside yourself, and start looking within yourself.

This is the critical piece of information that they never told you in school. How you think about yourself…how you feel about yourself…how you believe in yourself…how you talk to yourself…how you pursue your dreams… all of these radiate from you to others, like pheromones sending out the messages of how to treat you, how to talk to you, and what you will or won’t accept as attitudes, behaviors, and manners. Regardless of how you pretend to be cool, hip, trendy, sophisticated, or “hot,” the true message of how you view yourself is transmitted to prospective candidates every time you meet a new potential mate.

If you come to terms with this now, and deal with it, you can change the way you see yourself and attract a mate who sees you in the same manner. If you postpone it, hoping that dressing the part, looking sexy, and talking hip will attract the right partner, you will just repeat the same lesson over and over again. It’s up to you…”Others are only mirrors of you!”